A Letter From FMA
by Jiyugami-chan
Summary: (Formally known as' A Letter From Edward' ) Ed writes a letter after reading a Ed X Al fanfiction lemon. Soon other characters begin to write. T for stuff. I will write 5 Chapters of this. COMPLETE!
1. Ed, on Ed X Al lemon

**This is how Ed reacts to Ed X Al Lemons. I don't own FMA, or whatever I reference.**

Okay, fanfiction people.

First of all, let me state this so you will understand clearly:

I AM CAPABLE OF KILLING YOU. I DON'T EVEN NEED TO MAKE A TRANSMUTATION CIRCLE. I CAN KILL YOU.

Number two on my list…

Al's soul currently resides within a suit of armor. So that's already creepy, and I haven't put in the fact that he's my brother, much taller than me, and 14 freakin' years old.

Which brings me to number three…

HE'S MY BROTHER! I'M FREAKIN' BLOOD RELATED TO HIM, YOU SICKOS!

I love my brother, yes, but NOT like, romantically, creepy, incestial love! That's screwed up!

Speaking of screwed up, he's also 14 years old. _FOURTEEN! _

It would completely horrify and completely and totally scar him for the rest of his life if his fifteen-year-old brother…

Know what? I'm not finishing that sentence. It's too messed up.

Also, as for that 'short' thing.

I'm not into that.

Maybe you people are, but to me, that's plain sick.

Okay, final thing: I'm a boy. Al's a boy.

I know, I know, not every guy likes girls, some guys like guys, and if that's the way Al swings, well, I don't mind.

But that does NOT mean I like guys.

Nor does it mean that I am going to screw my little brother who is made out of armor.

So please, never write any of these anymore, because they are screwed up.

Also, I can kill you. NO TRANSMUTATION CIRCLE REQUIRED.

-with no love, Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist.


	2. Envy, On Fem EnvyEd confession fic

**I have decided to make this into yet another multichapter. I don't own FMA. RNR.**

**Envy reacts to a fem!Envy X Ed confession fic.**

Dear -

Wait, no...

To the fanfiction authors who are not very dear to me,

I am a boy, not a girl. I AM A BOY.

And I am not in love with that Fullmetal Pipsqueak!

And why do you keep calling him 'awesome' and stuff? He's so short.

-from Envy, with hopes that you creepos DIE!


	3. Scar, on ScarAl Genderbent Yuri

**First update in a while, too busy reading Tokyo Mew Mew. I do not own FMA. **

_Scar, on genderbent Scar\Al Yuri_

Addressed to the writers of fan fiction:

This probably goes against the ways of Ishval.

Also, I am male.

If I ever find you, you will atone for your sins.

-Scar


	4. Roy, on What Makes CLOPPING Seem Normal

**NEW CHAPTER! I already know what the next one is, but here you go! This is actually a splice of two chapters I wrote. Note: Language warning, minor spoilers. **

_Roy Mustang, on Parental...RoyEd…*vomits*…tentacle…noncon… ugh… IN A MINSKIRT!_

In address to those who are called fanfiction writers…

BURN IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

What the hell is this? And WHY ARE YOU WRITING IT?

I don't have much interest in anything without a miniskirt, sure!

BUT THAT NEVER EQUATED TO BECOMING A PEDOPHILE!

Look, I'm not even _interested_ in that Pipsqueak! EVEN WITH THE MINISKIRT!

And seriously, what sick person gets off to THAT kind of roleplay? Even if you do, you'd think that with what kind of parents everybody in this show has, that sort of thing would be off-putting! Foster parents aren't allowed to do that to their kids, it's against the law! AND I RULE HERE!

Plus, didn't you get the memo? The kid's married… READ THE $*% MANGA! WATCH BROTHERHOOD! GEEZ!

I need a vacation…

Also, _that_ use of alchemy is not looked upon with much respect, not to mention I can't use it.

Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang


	5. Mary Sue, On SueFics (W Translation)

**Okay, here we go… last chapter less I get bored. ENJOY! Note that I was listening to 'Scentless Apprentice' while writing this. So it is weird. If a song has the lyrics 'throw me in the fire and I won't throw a fit' you know it is weird. It is ingeniously weird.**

_Mary O.C. Sue, on all HerXActual Character Fics. (Translated from Sue-ese for your convenience)_

Deer fanfixious,

_(Dear Fanfiction,)_

Liek, I canot beleef u ppl. Am mar wimmin

_(Like, I cannot believe you people! I'm a married woman!)_

4 ur informashun, I B mer 2 gay stew sinz u not bro

_(For your information, I've been married to Gary Stu since before you were born!)_

I so offend! U no rite dis bot mii! Am mare!

_(I'm offended. You can't write this about me! I'm married!)_

N 4 ur imfornication, I no 6teen y sod! I b live sis fenfissions exiss! 9teen30nin!1!

_(And for your information, I'm not sixteen! I've been alive since fanfiction started to exist! That's 1939!)_

Cis eerily urs, Maru ooc soo!1

_(Sincerely yours, Mary O.C. Sue)_


End file.
